Family Traditions!

To some this picture may seem dull or without meaning but to me it is my life. My nieces and brother-in-law living, loving & feeling free and happy on our family land. This was on Thanksgiving 2010 when we started a new tradition. Aunt April dresses up in Poppy (my dads) camo and hides somewhere on the property. Then, all the kids run crazy until they find her. Now while this is a new tradition, the feeling is the same. I ran in these woods. I was scraped by those trees, I flew down the hills as fast as I could with no fear of spraining my ankle.........I was happy, and I was with family. 

NEXT.............Christmas!

Oh the sweet chaos of a large family. I LOVE the shoulder to shoulder bonding. The cozy warmth of everyone wearing their winter sweaters' and the smell of an all too familiar place. HOME. My Grandparents house is ALL I have ever known for the Holidays......and thus begins my recent story. I received a call from my sister to chat for a minute and then she breaks the news to me that my grandparents were going to reserve a room at Ryan's Restaurant for Christmas. My heart dropped. "What?" I said with my voice already quivering with sadness. I stood on the sidewalk of our little town.....waiting for the Light up night Parade.....and tears started STREAMING down my face. How could this be??? Now in my family....just from my Grandparents and including spouses....there are 59 of us. Yes.....it is huge.....and even though we all  can't be together the ones that can make it still makes it a large party. Long story short......my sisters decided to talk with my Grandparents and explain the food, the gifts and money mean NOTHING to us. We could sit there and do nothing but stare at each others faces and be perfectly happy. THANKFULLY......Grandpa and Grandma agreed. So this Christmas there will be NO gifts from either side. We will each show up with our favorite dish for the meal and then Grandpa is going to read the Christmas story to all of us in the family room and then we are all going to sing Christmas carols. I know it is gonna be the BEST Christmas ever and we are .....as a family.....truly putting Christ in our Christmas gathering. I asked my sister April how it went when they talked to our Grandparents and she said "Anita talked while I cried " lol..... which is what I would have done had I been there. So HOORAY for Christmas tradition and family......... 

Friendship.

                                         

Friendship has come to mean so much more to me...through the years....than I ever imagined. It has changed and transformed into an unbreakable bond. From childhood until now I have been blessed with the comfort of TRUE friendships. When I was younger, me and my friends would spend EVERY moment with each other. And I mean EVERY moment. I can't remember many summer nights when I slept alone. We wrote notes to each other....had sleepovers, playdates, and the list goes on. But as I have reached a different point in my life, I realize that those childhood bonds were preparing me for a different bond that is connected on an entire different level. I WISH I could live close to all of my friends, but unfortunately they are spread from state to state....Iowa, West Virginia & Ohio etc. These ladies have touched my heart so deeply that despite the miles and miles separating us,  I feel their happy times and their sad....without even discussing it. I pray for my friends all of the time. I pray for their happiness, comfort, and stress levels ;) lol Most of my friends are experiencing motherhood and I get just as excited for them as I would myself. I am so blessed to see my friends experience the happiness of Motherhood. Although I miss laughing at silly lambs frolicking along in the secret garden movie, watching you spill v8 on yourself cause you tried shaking it while it was against your mouth before Church... taking long drives in a tootsie roll to who knows where, making up dances or pushing play on the boom box in your wedding, or meeting you at the slimer cardboard cutout  ..... I might miss all of these, but I look forward to the future with you. To hear stories of what your children have done. I LOVE ALL of you and thank you for creating an everlasting friendship with me.                                      

The Captive Bird............Me.

                                                                   

Forgiveness.............Forgiving..............First I must tell myself "This is something you will NOT accomplish as an individual." I must have Faith that God will guard my heart of hate. I can definitely say the past eleven years........well........even farther back than that, have been years that have been tailor made to carry me through all of my paths in life. I know everyones experiences make them who they are, but do ALL experiences REALLY aid in making you a better person, or is it really a test of that historical question..... Nature vs Nurture.  I have witnessed evil in people that I have never before seen with my own two eyes. People taking advantage of me in moments that should be sacred. People thinking too much of themselves and being quick to say....It's not cancer, when in fact it was. I have seen people raise there voices in hatred and anger....all in the name of God, according to them anyways.  I cringe to think about it. I have lived through events that have me questioning every childhood lesson, leaving myself to say," Am I hearing this right?" Why? I have looked pure ignorance in the eye and a flood of what feels like lava builds in my chest and bursts straight up and down flying out of my feet and head...my body has quivered with pain and disappointment........physically damaging my body, heart and mind. I have found myself building a wall........a VERY thick wall of protection.Or I thought it was protection..................THANKFULLY........My cries for sanity and comfort were heard. I WILL not and Cannot hate, despise, reject, ignore, take lightly, be annoyed etc, of these events or persons anymore. I MUST forgive. I MUST FORGIVE. God sees me fail EVERY day and he forgives me with a open heart and arms. He sees when I feel lonely or upset and comforts me every time.....every day. I can breathe deep.  I am thankful that there are people for me to forgive. It teaches me patience, humility, it shows me that God IS in my heart because I recognize the NEED for me to be more like HIM. To feel for others because they have caused so much pain, just as I have, but I have been forgiven. I know I ramble but I truly feel enlightened on the situation. To NOT forgive would mean I was a prisoner in THEIR own personal hell. I am falling in the same negative emotion and life that they are miserable in. I will no longer hate, but forgive them and hope they find the humility to ask forgiveness from God, because if they don't, well.......I would wish hell for no one.  I pray God keeps showing me patience and humility, I have much to learn but I feel relief already.        

Yay for our New Couch!!!!

                                                                
This is our much dreamed about new couch. I suggest it to anyone with back problems. I have browsed online for MONTHS  wondering if I would be able to find just the right one. My hubby and our current couch does not mix well. His upper back, left shoulder blade to be exact, is in constant stiffness or pain. But with the all adjustable cushion backing and the five throw pillows he can rest his arms on top of all of them....perfectly stretching his shoulder into a comfortable position. Plus, it is so big and squishy that my feet dangle!!!! We went to good ole' Value City for a great deal and price. Or else we would have been out of luck;) I am soooo thankful and excited for it to be delivered in 1 wk and 2 days:)  Anyways...... here are some other finds that I will be saving up for......

                                                  
This is a flat wall art bird cage that holds pics or old cards. I loved it because I have always kept unique cards from friends or family. So now they can be out for me to admire everyday!

                                    
Now for rugs........ugh......why must they be soooooo expensivo? This first one was a rug I really liked but the second one is more reasonable when it comes to dirt. Any suggestions would be great! Well enough about my obsession with decorating. I hope everyone is having a great week so far........

                                                                          

My New Job!!!

                                                                                 

I have recently started working for a company that assists in daily care for adults with special needs. I have always migrated towards this type of work. It is often hard and very challenging but the smiles, hugs, and laughs of our clients wipe away all the rough times. I feel bad referring to them as clients but for sake of privacy I must do so.  I have learned a lot from them just in the two days I have been there. When we have karaoke they sing to the top of their lungs without a care in the world.....when we have a dance party they dance to their fullest, (believe me lol). When they care for someone,  they love them and show affection without hesitation. I am grateful that these precious new people in my life have touched my heart already. Today I realized how "innocent" we all tend to be. Even myself. One client was so upset because the hair salon school cancelled classes so he couldn't get his hair cut. Let me also add he is almost completely bald. So my first reaction was to think...how precious.....but then I said to myself........Emily....don't take this lightly....there are many situations that you looked forward to and when plans changed you were very upset........And that is soooo true. I myself have had trouble adapting to change and disappointment. Even if it wasn't important to someone else....it was important to me. So with my heart truly upset for him I tried to console him the best way I knew how.......by letting him talk about it:). One of my clients held my hand today and flicked at my wedding ring. It was kind of a bonding moment.....I can't explain it but it just was. I am praying for my special clients. For their independence in daily living and a newfound respect for themselves. I pray I have the right words & actions that will help them in their time of need. I thank God for giving me the ability to help others. I am thankful for my personal freedom to live day to day as I wish and value that responsibility so much more. To eat, walk, run, reach for something, talk, express my feelings, see, drive, etc..........is so much to be thankful for. I am looking forward for work tomorrow.....and not too many people can say that. So for that I am also thankful:)

Things that make me Grin!

                                                 

A Warm Breeze,  The sound of my Grandparents singing in Church, The loudness of my grandfathers sneeze, the smell outside my parents house, hugs from my nieces and nephews, the windows down, radio up,  letting my hand float up and down out of the window as we drive.....the sound of birds in the morning, the smell of doublemint gum......my mother use to keep loose pieces in her Bible, my dads hands covered in sap from working outside, the sound of a gravel driveway, fresh bubblegum, big league chew, cherry slushy, a very hot day and a cold glass of iced tea, my mother humming as she strolls through the house, my sisters laughter, a baby giggling, my Grandparents holding hands after 60+ yrs,

                                                                     

finding a good buy, remembering my childhood, talking to my friends, laughing with friends about things only you and her get, my husbands hug when returning home from work, the smell of the bathroom after he showers, holding his hand, my kitty falling asleep on her back, when she gets startled and jumps straight up, any non-domesticated animal sighting......some preferred to be far away, Grandmas spaghetti and spice cake, moms dumplings, cobbler,  and stuffed peppers,
The sound of my parents chickens, my family land, walking when it is slightly cool, a warm rainy day, spring, Easter Sunday Dresses, Easter eggs hunts, coloring eggs, the smell of the ocean, camping, fireplaces, candles, bonfires, prayer, singing......and singing in the car, those moments at family gatherings where time slows down and you remember to take in the moment, new car smell, clean car, clean house, good hair day, listening to my grandfather preach, girl talk...........I know i have only touched the tip of the iceburg but with Spring coming, this is what I look forward to!

Good To Know..........

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him”
James 1:12

This was one of the verses in an e-mail I received this morning. This one stuck out to me more than the others.......it definitely fits my need for hope and understanding. There have been many times I have felt alone, misunderstood, hurt, wronged, and the list goes on. And by no means have I been the Christian I had hoped to be but ......who is?.....I will always keep trying to be better though.....looking at my own fails and no one else's.  When going through my life I have reached out to God many times for comfort and relief. It's amazing how you can be surrounded by loved ones but in the midst of a trial you can feel so alone. I haven't talked much in depth about my cancer because I was scared to feel the fear of such a thing. I am the type of person that will calmly react to a situation and then at night.....when the rest of the world is sleeping.....i let it all go. I should probably start from the beginning. It was sunny outside and I got up to go to the bathroom. School had been hard, waking up had been hard, remembering anything was hard, feeling sane was hard, etc. While brushing my teeth I noticed the right side of my neck was sticking out. I attributed the lump to my recent singing and dancing while driving. It didn't hurt but I made myself think it was a pulled muscle. Weeks later, due to a sinus infection, I went to my Primary care Physician. Upon walking in my exam room she immediately noticed my neck, felt the lump, then scheduled an appointment with a specialist. a few days later the specialist felt the lump and said to me and my mother that this type, the texture and density of it, is non-cancerous........{sigh} what relief.....I felt a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. But to be safe he biopsied the lump and sent it off.......then.......He called me in for another appointment. Just as quickly as he had himself diagnosed me, he came forward with the information that in fact the lump was Cancer. Papillary thyroid carcinoma to be exact. Now this is not a "High Death Rate" cancer but to a young girl in her lower 20's.......it was devastating. I was numb. My heart, mind, and soul went into auto pilot. The next month was filled with many scans and doctors office visits. But it was all a blur to me. I felt convicted to be with friends. Why would I want them to feel such a negative thing in their life. I felt like a burden. Meanwhile, I wasn't in a serious relationship and I just kept thinking...."who will want this Ill person?" Ugh.......i cringe remembering those feelings. It is such a DEEP hurt and fear that I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. After my surgery I was in the hospital for I think 5 days. Thankfully my right arm was better off than what they thought. I still had some PT but  I could lift it on my own. Now see.......i cry even thinking of that. My right arm, the one I served volleyballs with for years, was the arm I would hope one day I could even lift up in the air. Later I was told I would need radiation treatment. It eventually came down to a 16 day confinement. Ugh......the Loneliest time I truly have ever felt. I could not be around or near people at all during this time. I was in my parents basement. My mother would make meals for me and leave them at the top of the steps...and when she went up to the third level i would make way up to get my plate of food. I so longed for a hug. I wanted to feel a hand on mine, a kiss on the cheek. Anything to make feel alive. I missed my family. I would sit in floor for hours listening to Enya May it Be and then eventually go to sleep. In the evenings, if it were raining, I would walk around the neighborhood....I didn't want to take the chance of running in to someone while I was radioactive. But finally..........after a scan...............I was cancer FREE!. If you do not know the symptoms of hypothyroidism....feel free to look them up.....i was also dealing with those during this time.   Enough of this though...............I apparently needed to talk about this because I am already though a half a roll of toilet paper. My whole point though was to say I am thankful. I am thankful I can walk, I can speak, I can hug, I can see, and I can feel. God brought me through an experience I could not have handled on my own. I feel silly when I think of true pain and all the cancers that are out there. Mine was not even comparible. And all the children who have Leukemia etc. I pray for them. I pray for their strength. My cancer was probably the best cancer you could ask for, while it was hard for me I accepted it and moved forward with my life. God carried me though every step of the way and Gave me a wonderful husband who already took me .....for better or for worse.....in sickness and in health. So the verse above gives me hope and lets me know I am not alone. God sees my efforts and blesses me everday. I am hopeful for my future......I love my friends and family and want them to know when I was going through all of this, you were my thoughts.  God and You.

I Tried......better luck next time....open to suggestions!

My Sushi Creation......First Time

I started with the proper ingredients.....whole grain rice is cooled, avacado, 

cucumber & crab stick strips, and the seaweed sheet is dull side down on my bamboo mat with plastic wrap on top...........then..............

I flattened the rice on the seaweed..............

I then flipped it over, rice down on the plastic wrap, 

then............................

I laid out a thin line of cucumber, avacado, and crabstick meat..........

then I rolled it up and tucked it tightly...............

but.............................

I couldn't cut it because I had accidentally put two pieces of seaweed and it was very tough to eat

so..............................

Thank goodness for beef & mushroom stew!

I know I put two sheets of seaweed but the rice still didn't seem right. Is it easier to use white rice? I was attempting a healthier sushi but if it doesn't work what can you do:).............

Crossing my fingers for next time!

                                                                            

And I thought I had rid myself of most addictions......{hah}

                                                                              

               Not that organization is a bad thing but lately it has my mind rushing over every room in our home, thinking of what would look great here or there. I have been caffeine free for a month....it had become overwhelming and I was totally dependent on it to determine how my day went. A caffeine free Mocha Latte isn't a bad thing though...yum.... but caffeine has been replaced with another addiction. Wanting to buy storage and organizational items...weird I know. My sister-in-law created an amazing organized space in my nieces closet. The linen hanging shelves, baskets and all. So after seeing and being inspired by it I thought to myself......" I shall take some birthday money and buy items to help me be better organized".  And just a quick note to anyone who doesn't know me well......any money I ever get usually goes to spritzing up  our home......i love it though! Moving forward......my hubby thought it would be a helpful thing....as long as I wanted to of course.......because it is no secret that he is a  t-shirt hoarder and could use and extra dresser drawer.....although he begs to differ.......that's a whole other blog though. Love his heart.....he has complied to my request of getting rid of some pretty raggedy t-shirts that I almost stuck in my rag drawer.... heehee...so i can't complain.  The above pics are shots of the items and pattern of my now "organized" closet. Awwww...breathe of fresh air to me. But unfortunately it hasn't stopped there. Needless to say.......i am forcing myself to organize with what I already have. I shouldn't waste perfectly good storage.....even if the rubbermaid sock drawers don't open that easily or.....well.......enough Emily.... I am thankful for what I have. I really am. I avoid watching the show hoarders upon my husbands request due to the fact that every time the show is over.....I go in panic mode searching the house wondering if I am becoming or will become a hoarder....chuckle.....I am working on it I just hope I am not the only one to have this type of addiction.
P.S............Hoping this craving for crabstick Sushi doesn't become a part of my addiction blog:)

Is She Preparing Me?

This is our precious angel Sully. We have had her since before we were married but Joe was the one that could enjoy her little meows overnight while I went to my parents and enjoyed my quiet bedroom...until after our wedding but by then he had her trained Aw.  She is not a people person and will hisss and growl at most everyone who is not familiar. I put the blame for her anti-social behavior on an incident that happened when she was a kitten. Joe was in the shower and when he got out she had wrapped a yoyo string around her neck and was not breathing. The string was attached to a spring hooked to the top of her scratch pole. Well thankfully my tenderheart carebear husband went into panic mode.....picked her up.....untangled the string......and somehow brought her back.....then she let him know she was ok with a long drawn out MEOWWWW. Anyways.....she is my SPECIAL kitty and still we need to take care of her. Fortunately her toy of choice now is a feather duster!

                                                                                
   Back to my point........ Lately....the last three nights.....we go upstairs....lie down........say our goodnights and just as i am in between dreamland and consciousness i hear a faint cry. It gets louder and louder and longer and longer as if she were a child stuck in the crib ready for her bahbah. So what do I do....i sit up...whisper her name.....and she comes running. Now finally last night...Joe was the one to say "Sully.....we are up here....come on".....with the most mommy like voice ever:).....Finally she jumps on the bed.....runs up my leg.....and stares at me right in the face. Her little whiskers touching my cheeks....Maybe she needs glasses too. In the end....i am not getting mad or upset cause this could be good for me, and our future child. Practice makes perfect.  Now if I have to start changing her diaper......and feeding her 3-4 times a night....i will have practice down to a T.                                                                          

Window Wonderfullness!

What an amazing idea! I have always loved the look of pots and pans hanging from the decorative hooks from the ceiling but how much cuter and cheaper would this be. Any old window, any shape, any size, and just add hooks to it, hang it from your ceiling, and decorate as desired.
                                       

This was also an interesting idea............making a coat rack out of an old door... The panels have been cut out and replaced with mirrors, I might even paint with chalkboard paint where they put mirrors....making sure others knew where to put things...wink wink. It also looks like they have added a shelf, but you could  just put the hooks straight on the door.... I love this look.....my ideal dining room table would be an old barn-wood table....or a table made from an old door....rustic and natural. You can do so many things with those kind of tables. Fancy it up or dress it down. Options Options Options!

Just some things I love.....hope someone else finds them just as interesting!
                                                                                                                                                                

There is still hope for next Sunday!

This is where I had hoped to visit Sunday. It is a renovated building that has been made into a Christian Arts theater and Grace Community Church. Joe and I were prepared for warm faces and welcomes but instead the front door was locked. I was so discouraged. Joe almost busted on the ice when he checked the back door......love his heart.......as if we thought they had maybe locked us out or something. Silly me starts wondering if it is a sign that we shouldn't go there and try another but Joe calmly says....God knows we came.....we will try until the door is open. Definitely the right words to tell me. I was getting in my "Debbie Downer" mode. It's silly I know but I feel their are wonderful experiences, relationships, and worship services to experience, but not on that Sunday. I spoke to a neighbor and they said the church usually closes with bad weather so the elderly don't try to make it out in the cold......ahhhh.....I completely see now and it actually makes me feel really good about everything. I know I ramble but this meant a lot to me and anyone who has ever attended a great church knows how it feels to look forward to it week by week. The only difference is I never attended this church but I still looked forward to it. Praying for next Sunday!

I Love it.....I Love it Not......I Love it....I Love it Not.....I Love It?

Joe and I will be trying out a new church tomorrow. I am completely filled with so many different emotions. Excitement, nervousness, wonder, fear, and the list goes on. It is actually an old Victorian style mansion that has been restored and turned into a church and a Christian Arts theater....cool I know:) I could never Not enjoy church....but i hope I am not alone when I say that when you first walk in you should feel a certain peace....a certain "at home" feeling. I am soooo hoping for this "warmth" tomorrow. It is called a church FAMILY for a reason. I do know, however, that if at first you don't succeed....try and try again. So if it is not our favorite "bucket of chicken" then we will try another the next week. I hope we love it!

The "Glasses" of Life......

This is my second full day of wearing my new glasses. I have never had to wear glasses before, or at least I thought I didn't, until now. It is amazing to me how I can relate my new found eyesight to the way us Christians live our lives. Before now my everyday life seemed to go by just as I figured it would.....one foot before the other. But now with much prayer God has cleared my vision and opened a whole new peace of mind. I have struggled for years to become pregnant. I contributed the issues to my weight and other health problems. Now it is true that health issues can hinder your ability to become pregnant but most of all....I need to be right in my life in another way. I need to be patient and know that HE is God. I need to understand that by questioning my life means I am questioning his plan for me...for us. My husband has always been just as excited as I have been for children, but being patient and understanding together will ultimately bring us closer. It has brought us closer. Our closest family is and hour away. We are four hours from each of our parents so for the past 2 1/2 yrs it has been Joe and I. Before today i knew what I wanted for my life but I was seeing all of my dreams and hopes through my "foggy bad eyesight". I wanted what I wanted right now....but I  feel like I have received the glasses of life. I see now that if I am at peace with trusting God, then he will take care of me in perfect timing......his timing.

Gray be Gone....

I have been so very thankful for the snow this year. It made the holidays much more exciting. I can't, however, seem to make myself enjoy the gray skies that gloom over on a daily basis. It would be different if the sky did not make a difference in my mood but despite my efforts, those gray days make my eyes a little heavier. I find myself turning on the soundscapes music channel and walking around my house tricking myself into thinking that right outside is an 85 degree sunshiny day. No matter how much it effects me I should still look up and realize that i wouldn't be as thankful for the sunshine without having these Gray days. So next time I find myself sighing to the weather channel....i will say yay!!!!! Hooray for this Gray day.......because i know that eventually the Gray will be gone and my cheeks will be shiny from my sunscreen.