Friendship.

                                         

Friendship has come to mean so much more to me...through the years....than I ever imagined. It has changed and transformed into an unbreakable bond. From childhood until now I have been blessed with the comfort of TRUE friendships. When I was younger, me and my friends would spend EVERY moment with each other. And I mean EVERY moment. I can't remember many summer nights when I slept alone. We wrote notes to each other....had sleepovers, playdates, and the list goes on. But as I have reached a different point in my life, I realize that those childhood bonds were preparing me for a different bond that is connected on an entire different level. I WISH I could live close to all of my friends, but unfortunately they are spread from state to state....Iowa, West Virginia & Ohio etc. These ladies have touched my heart so deeply that despite the miles and miles separating us,  I feel their happy times and their sad....without even discussing it. I pray for my friends all of the time. I pray for their happiness, comfort, and stress levels ;) lol Most of my friends are experiencing motherhood and I get just as excited for them as I would myself. I am so blessed to see my friends experience the happiness of Motherhood. Although I miss laughing at silly lambs frolicking along in the secret garden movie, watching you spill v8 on yourself cause you tried shaking it while it was against your mouth before Church... taking long drives in a tootsie roll to who knows where, making up dances or pushing play on the boom box in your wedding, or meeting you at the slimer cardboard cutout  ..... I might miss all of these, but I look forward to the future with you. To hear stories of what your children have done. I LOVE ALL of you and thank you for creating an everlasting friendship with me.                                      

The Captive Bird............Me.

                                                                   

Forgiveness.............Forgiving..............First I must tell myself "This is something you will NOT accomplish as an individual." I must have Faith that God will guard my heart of hate. I can definitely say the past eleven years........well........even farther back than that, have been years that have been tailor made to carry me through all of my paths in life. I know everyones experiences make them who they are, but do ALL experiences REALLY aid in making you a better person, or is it really a test of that historical question..... Nature vs Nurture.  I have witnessed evil in people that I have never before seen with my own two eyes. People taking advantage of me in moments that should be sacred. People thinking too much of themselves and being quick to say....It's not cancer, when in fact it was. I have seen people raise there voices in hatred and anger....all in the name of God, according to them anyways.  I cringe to think about it. I have lived through events that have me questioning every childhood lesson, leaving myself to say," Am I hearing this right?" Why? I have looked pure ignorance in the eye and a flood of what feels like lava builds in my chest and bursts straight up and down flying out of my feet and head...my body has quivered with pain and disappointment........physically damaging my body, heart and mind. I have found myself building a wall........a VERY thick wall of protection.Or I thought it was protection..................THANKFULLY........My cries for sanity and comfort were heard. I WILL not and Cannot hate, despise, reject, ignore, take lightly, be annoyed etc, of these events or persons anymore. I MUST forgive. I MUST FORGIVE. God sees me fail EVERY day and he forgives me with a open heart and arms. He sees when I feel lonely or upset and comforts me every time.....every day. I can breathe deep.  I am thankful that there are people for me to forgive. It teaches me patience, humility, it shows me that God IS in my heart because I recognize the NEED for me to be more like HIM. To feel for others because they have caused so much pain, just as I have, but I have been forgiven. I know I ramble but I truly feel enlightened on the situation. To NOT forgive would mean I was a prisoner in THEIR own personal hell. I am falling in the same negative emotion and life that they are miserable in. I will no longer hate, but forgive them and hope they find the humility to ask forgiveness from God, because if they don't, well.......I would wish hell for no one.  I pray God keeps showing me patience and humility, I have much to learn but I feel relief already.