Good To Know..........

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him”
James 1:12

This was one of the verses in an e-mail I received this morning. This one stuck out to me more than the others.......it definitely fits my need for hope and understanding. There have been many times I have felt alone, misunderstood, hurt, wronged, and the list goes on. And by no means have I been the Christian I had hoped to be but ......who is?.....I will always keep trying to be better though.....looking at my own fails and no one else's.  When going through my life I have reached out to God many times for comfort and relief. It's amazing how you can be surrounded by loved ones but in the midst of a trial you can feel so alone. I haven't talked much in depth about my cancer because I was scared to feel the fear of such a thing. I am the type of person that will calmly react to a situation and then at night.....when the rest of the world is sleeping.....i let it all go. I should probably start from the beginning. It was sunny outside and I got up to go to the bathroom. School had been hard, waking up had been hard, remembering anything was hard, feeling sane was hard, etc. While brushing my teeth I noticed the right side of my neck was sticking out. I attributed the lump to my recent singing and dancing while driving. It didn't hurt but I made myself think it was a pulled muscle. Weeks later, due to a sinus infection, I went to my Primary care Physician. Upon walking in my exam room she immediately noticed my neck, felt the lump, then scheduled an appointment with a specialist. a few days later the specialist felt the lump and said to me and my mother that this type, the texture and density of it, is non-cancerous........{sigh} what relief.....I felt a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. But to be safe he biopsied the lump and sent it off.......then.......He called me in for another appointment. Just as quickly as he had himself diagnosed me, he came forward with the information that in fact the lump was Cancer. Papillary thyroid carcinoma to be exact. Now this is not a "High Death Rate" cancer but to a young girl in her lower 20's.......it was devastating. I was numb. My heart, mind, and soul went into auto pilot. The next month was filled with many scans and doctors office visits. But it was all a blur to me. I felt convicted to be with friends. Why would I want them to feel such a negative thing in their life. I felt like a burden. Meanwhile, I wasn't in a serious relationship and I just kept thinking...."who will want this Ill person?" Ugh.......i cringe remembering those feelings. It is such a DEEP hurt and fear that I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. After my surgery I was in the hospital for I think 5 days. Thankfully my right arm was better off than what they thought. I still had some PT but  I could lift it on my own. Now see.......i cry even thinking of that. My right arm, the one I served volleyballs with for years, was the arm I would hope one day I could even lift up in the air. Later I was told I would need radiation treatment. It eventually came down to a 16 day confinement. Ugh......the Loneliest time I truly have ever felt. I could not be around or near people at all during this time. I was in my parents basement. My mother would make meals for me and leave them at the top of the steps...and when she went up to the third level i would make way up to get my plate of food. I so longed for a hug. I wanted to feel a hand on mine, a kiss on the cheek. Anything to make feel alive. I missed my family. I would sit in floor for hours listening to Enya May it Be and then eventually go to sleep. In the evenings, if it were raining, I would walk around the neighborhood....I didn't want to take the chance of running in to someone while I was radioactive. But finally..........after a scan...............I was cancer FREE!. If you do not know the symptoms of hypothyroidism....feel free to look them up.....i was also dealing with those during this time.   Enough of this though...............I apparently needed to talk about this because I am already though a half a roll of toilet paper. My whole point though was to say I am thankful. I am thankful I can walk, I can speak, I can hug, I can see, and I can feel. God brought me through an experience I could not have handled on my own. I feel silly when I think of true pain and all the cancers that are out there. Mine was not even comparible. And all the children who have Leukemia etc. I pray for them. I pray for their strength. My cancer was probably the best cancer you could ask for, while it was hard for me I accepted it and moved forward with my life. God carried me though every step of the way and Gave me a wonderful husband who already took me .....for better or for worse.....in sickness and in health. So the verse above gives me hope and lets me know I am not alone. God sees my efforts and blesses me everday. I am hopeful for my future......I love my friends and family and want them to know when I was going through all of this, you were my thoughts.  God and You.

I Tried......better luck next time....open to suggestions!

My Sushi Creation......First Time

I started with the proper ingredients.....whole grain rice is cooled, avacado, 

cucumber & crab stick strips, and the seaweed sheet is dull side down on my bamboo mat with plastic wrap on top...........then..............

I flattened the rice on the seaweed..............

I then flipped it over, rice down on the plastic wrap, 

then............................

I laid out a thin line of cucumber, avacado, and crabstick meat..........

then I rolled it up and tucked it tightly...............

but.............................

I couldn't cut it because I had accidentally put two pieces of seaweed and it was very tough to eat

so..............................

Thank goodness for beef & mushroom stew!

I know I put two sheets of seaweed but the rice still didn't seem right. Is it easier to use white rice? I was attempting a healthier sushi but if it doesn't work what can you do:).............

Crossing my fingers for next time!

                                                                            

And I thought I had rid myself of most addictions......{hah}

                                                                              

               Not that organization is a bad thing but lately it has my mind rushing over every room in our home, thinking of what would look great here or there. I have been caffeine free for a month....it had become overwhelming and I was totally dependent on it to determine how my day went. A caffeine free Mocha Latte isn't a bad thing though...yum.... but caffeine has been replaced with another addiction. Wanting to buy storage and organizational items...weird I know. My sister-in-law created an amazing organized space in my nieces closet. The linen hanging shelves, baskets and all. So after seeing and being inspired by it I thought to myself......" I shall take some birthday money and buy items to help me be better organized".  And just a quick note to anyone who doesn't know me well......any money I ever get usually goes to spritzing up  our home......i love it though! Moving forward......my hubby thought it would be a helpful thing....as long as I wanted to of course.......because it is no secret that he is a  t-shirt hoarder and could use and extra dresser drawer.....although he begs to differ.......that's a whole other blog though. Love his heart.....he has complied to my request of getting rid of some pretty raggedy t-shirts that I almost stuck in my rag drawer.... heehee...so i can't complain.  The above pics are shots of the items and pattern of my now "organized" closet. Awwww...breathe of fresh air to me. But unfortunately it hasn't stopped there. Needless to say.......i am forcing myself to organize with what I already have. I shouldn't waste perfectly good storage.....even if the rubbermaid sock drawers don't open that easily or.....well.......enough Emily.... I am thankful for what I have. I really am. I avoid watching the show hoarders upon my husbands request due to the fact that every time the show is over.....I go in panic mode searching the house wondering if I am becoming or will become a hoarder....chuckle.....I am working on it I just hope I am not the only one to have this type of addiction.
P.S............Hoping this craving for crabstick Sushi doesn't become a part of my addiction blog:)

Is She Preparing Me?

This is our precious angel Sully. We have had her since before we were married but Joe was the one that could enjoy her little meows overnight while I went to my parents and enjoyed my quiet bedroom...until after our wedding but by then he had her trained Aw.  She is not a people person and will hisss and growl at most everyone who is not familiar. I put the blame for her anti-social behavior on an incident that happened when she was a kitten. Joe was in the shower and when he got out she had wrapped a yoyo string around her neck and was not breathing. The string was attached to a spring hooked to the top of her scratch pole. Well thankfully my tenderheart carebear husband went into panic mode.....picked her up.....untangled the string......and somehow brought her back.....then she let him know she was ok with a long drawn out MEOWWWW. Anyways.....she is my SPECIAL kitty and still we need to take care of her. Fortunately her toy of choice now is a feather duster!

                                                                                
   Back to my point........ Lately....the last three nights.....we go upstairs....lie down........say our goodnights and just as i am in between dreamland and consciousness i hear a faint cry. It gets louder and louder and longer and longer as if she were a child stuck in the crib ready for her bahbah. So what do I do....i sit up...whisper her name.....and she comes running. Now finally last night...Joe was the one to say "Sully.....we are up here....come on".....with the most mommy like voice ever:).....Finally she jumps on the bed.....runs up my leg.....and stares at me right in the face. Her little whiskers touching my cheeks....Maybe she needs glasses too. In the end....i am not getting mad or upset cause this could be good for me, and our future child. Practice makes perfect.  Now if I have to start changing her diaper......and feeding her 3-4 times a night....i will have practice down to a T.                                                                          

Window Wonderfullness!

What an amazing idea! I have always loved the look of pots and pans hanging from the decorative hooks from the ceiling but how much cuter and cheaper would this be. Any old window, any shape, any size, and just add hooks to it, hang it from your ceiling, and decorate as desired.
                                       

This was also an interesting idea............making a coat rack out of an old door... The panels have been cut out and replaced with mirrors, I might even paint with chalkboard paint where they put mirrors....making sure others knew where to put things...wink wink. It also looks like they have added a shelf, but you could  just put the hooks straight on the door.... I love this look.....my ideal dining room table would be an old barn-wood table....or a table made from an old door....rustic and natural. You can do so many things with those kind of tables. Fancy it up or dress it down. Options Options Options!

Just some things I love.....hope someone else finds them just as interesting!
                                                                                                                                                                

There is still hope for next Sunday!

This is where I had hoped to visit Sunday. It is a renovated building that has been made into a Christian Arts theater and Grace Community Church. Joe and I were prepared for warm faces and welcomes but instead the front door was locked. I was so discouraged. Joe almost busted on the ice when he checked the back door......love his heart.......as if we thought they had maybe locked us out or something. Silly me starts wondering if it is a sign that we shouldn't go there and try another but Joe calmly says....God knows we came.....we will try until the door is open. Definitely the right words to tell me. I was getting in my "Debbie Downer" mode. It's silly I know but I feel their are wonderful experiences, relationships, and worship services to experience, but not on that Sunday. I spoke to a neighbor and they said the church usually closes with bad weather so the elderly don't try to make it out in the cold......ahhhh.....I completely see now and it actually makes me feel really good about everything. I know I ramble but this meant a lot to me and anyone who has ever attended a great church knows how it feels to look forward to it week by week. The only difference is I never attended this church but I still looked forward to it. Praying for next Sunday!

I Love it.....I Love it Not......I Love it....I Love it Not.....I Love It?

Joe and I will be trying out a new church tomorrow. I am completely filled with so many different emotions. Excitement, nervousness, wonder, fear, and the list goes on. It is actually an old Victorian style mansion that has been restored and turned into a church and a Christian Arts theater....cool I know:) I could never Not enjoy church....but i hope I am not alone when I say that when you first walk in you should feel a certain peace....a certain "at home" feeling. I am soooo hoping for this "warmth" tomorrow. It is called a church FAMILY for a reason. I do know, however, that if at first you don't succeed....try and try again. So if it is not our favorite "bucket of chicken" then we will try another the next week. I hope we love it!

The "Glasses" of Life......

This is my second full day of wearing my new glasses. I have never had to wear glasses before, or at least I thought I didn't, until now. It is amazing to me how I can relate my new found eyesight to the way us Christians live our lives. Before now my everyday life seemed to go by just as I figured it would.....one foot before the other. But now with much prayer God has cleared my vision and opened a whole new peace of mind. I have struggled for years to become pregnant. I contributed the issues to my weight and other health problems. Now it is true that health issues can hinder your ability to become pregnant but most of all....I need to be right in my life in another way. I need to be patient and know that HE is God. I need to understand that by questioning my life means I am questioning his plan for me...for us. My husband has always been just as excited as I have been for children, but being patient and understanding together will ultimately bring us closer. It has brought us closer. Our closest family is and hour away. We are four hours from each of our parents so for the past 2 1/2 yrs it has been Joe and I. Before today i knew what I wanted for my life but I was seeing all of my dreams and hopes through my "foggy bad eyesight". I wanted what I wanted right now....but I  feel like I have received the glasses of life. I see now that if I am at peace with trusting God, then he will take care of me in perfect timing......his timing.

Gray be Gone....

I have been so very thankful for the snow this year. It made the holidays much more exciting. I can't, however, seem to make myself enjoy the gray skies that gloom over on a daily basis. It would be different if the sky did not make a difference in my mood but despite my efforts, those gray days make my eyes a little heavier. I find myself turning on the soundscapes music channel and walking around my house tricking myself into thinking that right outside is an 85 degree sunshiny day. No matter how much it effects me I should still look up and realize that i wouldn't be as thankful for the sunshine without having these Gray days. So next time I find myself sighing to the weather channel....i will say yay!!!!! Hooray for this Gray day.......because i know that eventually the Gray will be gone and my cheeks will be shiny from my sunscreen.