Forgiveness.............Forgiving..............First I must tell myself "This is something you will NOT accomplish as an individual." I must have Faith that God will guard my heart of hate. I can definitely say the past eleven years........well........even farther back than that, have been years that have been tailor made to carry me through all of my paths in life. I know everyones experiences make them who they are, but do ALL experiences REALLY aid in making you a better person, or is it really a test of that historical question..... Nature vs Nurture. I have witnessed evil in people that I have never before seen with my own two eyes. People taking advantage of me in moments that should be sacred. People thinking too much of themselves and being quick to say....It's not cancer, when in fact it was. I have seen people raise there voices in hatred and anger....all in the name of God, according to them anyways. I cringe to think about it. I have lived through events that have me questioning every childhood lesson, leaving myself to say," Am I hearing this right?" Why? I have looked pure ignorance in the eye and a flood of what feels like lava builds in my chest and bursts straight up and down flying out of my feet and head...my body has quivered with pain and disappointment........physically damaging my body, heart and mind. I have found myself building a wall........a VERY thick wall of protection.Or I thought it was protection..................THANKFULLY........My cries for sanity and comfort were heard. I WILL not and Cannot hate, despise, reject, ignore, take lightly, be annoyed etc, of these events or persons anymore. I MUST forgive. I MUST FORGIVE. God sees me fail EVERY day and he forgives me with a open heart and arms. He sees when I feel lonely or upset and comforts me every time.....every day. I can breathe deep. I am thankful that there are people for me to forgive. It teaches me patience, humility, it shows me that God IS in my heart because I recognize the NEED for me to be more like HIM. To feel for others because they have caused so much pain, just as I have, but I have been forgiven. I know I ramble but I truly feel enlightened on the situation. To NOT forgive would mean I was a prisoner in THEIR own personal hell. I am falling in the same negative emotion and life that they are miserable in. I will no longer hate, but forgive them and hope they find the humility to ask forgiveness from God, because if they don't, well.......I would wish hell for no one. I pray God keeps showing me patience and humility, I have much to learn but I feel relief already.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The Captive Bird............Me.
Forgiveness.............Forgiving..............First I must tell myself "This is something you will NOT accomplish as an individual." I must have Faith that God will guard my heart of hate. I can definitely say the past eleven years........well........even farther back than that, have been years that have been tailor made to carry me through all of my paths in life. I know everyones experiences make them who they are, but do ALL experiences REALLY aid in making you a better person, or is it really a test of that historical question..... Nature vs Nurture. I have witnessed evil in people that I have never before seen with my own two eyes. People taking advantage of me in moments that should be sacred. People thinking too much of themselves and being quick to say....It's not cancer, when in fact it was. I have seen people raise there voices in hatred and anger....all in the name of God, according to them anyways. I cringe to think about it. I have lived through events that have me questioning every childhood lesson, leaving myself to say," Am I hearing this right?" Why? I have looked pure ignorance in the eye and a flood of what feels like lava builds in my chest and bursts straight up and down flying out of my feet and head...my body has quivered with pain and disappointment........physically damaging my body, heart and mind. I have found myself building a wall........a VERY thick wall of protection.Or I thought it was protection..................THANKFULLY........My cries for sanity and comfort were heard. I WILL not and Cannot hate, despise, reject, ignore, take lightly, be annoyed etc, of these events or persons anymore. I MUST forgive. I MUST FORGIVE. God sees me fail EVERY day and he forgives me with a open heart and arms. He sees when I feel lonely or upset and comforts me every time.....every day. I can breathe deep. I am thankful that there are people for me to forgive. It teaches me patience, humility, it shows me that God IS in my heart because I recognize the NEED for me to be more like HIM. To feel for others because they have caused so much pain, just as I have, but I have been forgiven. I know I ramble but I truly feel enlightened on the situation. To NOT forgive would mean I was a prisoner in THEIR own personal hell. I am falling in the same negative emotion and life that they are miserable in. I will no longer hate, but forgive them and hope they find the humility to ask forgiveness from God, because if they don't, well.......I would wish hell for no one. I pray God keeps showing me patience and humility, I have much to learn but I feel relief already.
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